Homemade wife

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Homemade wife

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In record time, we found work together selling frozen treats out of the back of a truck on a nearby beach. Day after day I would sit there with my guitar, staring out at the ocean wondering how I got so lucky.

Did I mention the onslaught of young women to flirt with? Oh, and all the ice cream I could eat. I've got a thing for ice cream.

One fateful morning on the beach, this blue-eyed blonde walked up, and for the first time my teenage my powers of seduction were gone I froze.

She wrapped her beach towel around the bottom of her bikini and said, "Can I get a two-ball screwball please? I grabbed the screwball, passed it through the window and she left.

Just like that. What just happened? Where were my powers of seduction when I needed them? Turns out, I didn't need them.

Unbeknownst to me, she had already planned to get my number as I was leaving. And she did, she called within the hour. We talked all night and into the morning.

The rest is history. Fast forward a few years later. Although we were still very young, we got married on the beach where we first met.

A fairytale relationship in the eyes of our friends and family. Everyone, ourselves included, believed we were well on our way to happily ever after.

As the fates would have it, our future would take us across the country to California. My wife had finished up her Master's degree and it was my turn follow a dream.

Another road trip across the country, without Henry this time, and she and I started a new life in LA. My lady beside me, the endless California sun and the dream of rock stardom in my sites.

I was in a state of ambrosia. Is anyone else starting to feel a sense of impending doom? Perhaps a too good to be true feeling? Here's where it all went south.

It was a warm New Year's Eve and my best friend had recently moved in with his girlfriend just a view hours south. This guy was like a brother to me.

One of those friends that would lay down in traffic for you. We invited the two of them to help us ring in the new year. They showed up right on time with a bottle of Crown Royal and an assortment of other intoxicating libations.

Oh, how we loved to drink in those days. Did I mention my wife had some serious alcoholic tendencies? She was of those people that turned into someone else when she drank.

I enjoyed my fair share of the hooch but when it came to my wife, I often found myself having to babysit her when we were drinking in public.

The worst part of her alcoholism was that she wouldn't remember what a royal pain in the ass she'd been the next day. If you can't remember being an ass, how do you learn your lesson?

For information's sake, I'll add that my best friend also shared some of those unfortunate traits. I had to carry his ass out of a few bars on more than a few occasions.

We cracked open the Crown Royal with an inspired enthusiasm. I didn't feel the need to babysit that night so I let myself enjoy the evening on my terms.

My terms were get drunk — really drunk. Between the two of them, they have 4 children in total. Their children are all grown up at this point, which means the couple now have grandchildren to dote on with love and attention.

When we moved to our house, we created a little space for our grandchildren called The Book Nook. I have a hard time not cuddling with them while I read but I am grateful to have this sweet connection.

Any suggestions out there for books to read to them? But you don't want to just grab any old household object, and it can be difficult to know where to begin.

Well, when in doubt, start here: These homemade sex toys are all expert-approved—so you know they're both fun and safe to use.

If you want to take your blow job game to a new level, this tool—er, jewel—is for you, says Debra Laino , a sexologist and couples and marriage therapist based in Delaware.

Just be sure you actually talk about your desires first. You could also try experimenting with penetrating your partner with the other end of the spoon.

Is your mind in the gutter yet? Good—now you see that a cucumber was pretty much created to double as a dildo. Here too, just be sure to wrap it with non-microwavable saran wrap first in order to protect yourself from getting a bacterial infection, McGuire says.

Rubbing against a stack of them can stimulate the clitoris and serve as a stand-in for a partner, says Rachel Needle , PsyD, a psychologist and sex therapist in West Palm Beach, Florida.

Pillows, as well as towels, can also be great co-masturbation tools, says McGuire, who encourages everyone to think outside of the penetrative sex box.

Want to get dirty while getting clean? Just use your shower head as a vibrator by pressing it up against, or directly spraying, your clitoris , Needle says.

If you like the feeling of exfoliating your face or back, you might really like a similar sensation on your inner thighs, between your butt cheeks, on your outer labia, or against your breasts, says Kim Airs , a sex educator in Los Angeles.

Your man may like it too, she adds, on his scrotum or penis shaft. Scrubbie too rough? Just be sure to use a clean one that hasn't been used for cleaning dishes or toilets.

Just check the sticks for splintering potential first. Again, be sure your partner is cool with feeling a sting—and sporting a bite-mark-looking impression temporarily after.

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